Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The Olympian is in my bed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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