Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
