if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
