morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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