um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
