So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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