I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
