he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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