I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
