If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
