It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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