I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're a waste of cheezeits
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
