You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We smell like vodka and hangover
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