it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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