Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
