dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
