I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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