i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
