just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
