his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
