Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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