The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
