So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
