i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
