We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
