I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
