Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
