I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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