he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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