i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize