That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
