pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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