the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
