I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
