omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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