susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
