i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
