He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't deserve a penis
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
