Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
