I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize