the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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