i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize