Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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