Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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