But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
