we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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