My liver just broke up with me...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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