she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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