Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize