people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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