Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
