These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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