dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize