no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
