Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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