we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize