So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
