i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
