i permit you to call me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
tell me about the eggs
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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