I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
