i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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