I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
