so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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