If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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