Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
