we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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