Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
