how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
