Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
