so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Randomize
