it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
