dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize