3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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