I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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