Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
