she looked like the before picture.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
