yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
