EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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