Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
