why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
