Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found the puke drawer
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
