He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
