They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
