I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
