I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
