Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
