Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
