The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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