Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
