garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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